What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 01:16
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We all went to grammer schools
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I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I feel like my boyfriend doesn't love me. Why?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But, we were locked up after school.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My family never makes their pension either.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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Especially a lifetime of it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How do flat Earthers explain the existence of other spherical planets?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why do men think I’m easy just by looking at me?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Ive learnt so much.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
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But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But it wasn’t much.
And i lived it daily.
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He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Would this be the day?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Is it just me, or do we all hate Sasuke from Naruto?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
How do you get a teenage boy to care about hygiene?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
How do you leave a relationship when you are still in love?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We were not on the streets..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
This is soul school!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I think the readers, may guess!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I have no regrets .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It was going to be , some day.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One cannot live in the past .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I don,t even have a pension.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
All the time i was locked up.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
What did i know ?
I was seconnd youngest,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My life is so biszare .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was in good health!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I said to her
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She wouldn,t have been !
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She loved him until the end.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He knew the spot.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So whats the point in blame.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I waited trembling.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She married twice! .
I was 9 years of age.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So, i spoilt her more .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Comes on , in middle age.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I will be 64.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was scared of men, in general
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was very sick at this time too.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I write beautiful poetry .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im still living with it.
Who then, do I blame.?
I never cut or harmed myself..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Put me off passion for life!!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
She found it foreign!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I couldn’t, believe it.